Here I am still holding on :)

Here I am still holding on :)

..:: Listen ::..

Sunday, June 28, 2015

6月28日~~

早上交了Astro Scholarship 的 essay
放心下来了

下午和小学老师一起提前庆祝妈妈的生日

在 one u 和弟弟买ipad的时候
在厕所遇到很久没见面的 tham xi wen
在 mac city 遇见了 邻居 wei shien (他竟然跑到那么远做trainee)

充满巧遇的一天

爸爸有条件地答应我去马六甲 :D

心情有点不太美
就去跑步了一下
有点慢
但没关系。。。
很想跑多一圈
却又怕体力不支
以往心情不好跑步,就会跑到全身支撑不住
心情才会有好转

I'm a flexible yet stubborn person
Flexible in alternating decisions, with a stubborn determination to succeed
-----------------------------------------------------------------------


如今
只求谅解,不求安慰

at the same time, there's more to life then what I already know
must stay happy, if not content, and grateful at all times..
because, as long as I'm breathing and in good health, I'm very lucky :)



Saturday, June 27, 2015

6月27日~~

妈妈的一句话
突然让我心情很down 很down

在爸爸office 完成了astro scholarship 的 assessment 和 essay
已经是好几个小时之后
我却依然情绪低沉

世界上有好多个如果
如果我可以把事情说得多坦白也没关系
那该多好
如果我可以把所有不该存在的问题都化为乌有
那该多好


如果我们的距离不将那么遥远
那该有多好

如果所有的如果都不再是如果
那该有多好

跑了步
心情也没什么好起来



“我怕时间太慢,
日夜担心失去你
恨不得一夜
之间白头
永不分离……”
——孙燕姿 《至少还有你》



每每想起
都会突然心疼




Friday, June 26, 2015

6月26日~~

I was really really thrilled to have gone past first screening progress of Astro Scholarship :D
Now I'm just wishing that they would just see past the fact that I applied for Chem engineering
instead of ... something else you see...

I know.. that deep down in me .. I wanted something other than just
engineering ..

I wanted to do business..
to do PR ..
to manage something...
to do anything ...
that excites me everyday :)

even if it means that I will complain about it everyday
(Which I prolly will)
at least I feel very much alive

However, I stand firm on my choice.

Because, by the end of the day,
I just want a job that brings in good income
and I can go back home on time everyday
to a family life which I've always had, and always wanted :)

I may have a dream,
But I have another dream


Enough about it

right now.
It's time to start cracking on the essay :/
Everything has to be done by Sunday evening
which is good enough to be frank

I don't mind the 1 1/2 assessment
I assume it's going to be general
mathematics, analytics, english
etc..

but the essay though ....


I know I can do this..
I know that ..
If I have in me what I claim to have all this while
they will at least consider me a while
IF and ONLY IF (haha maths much?) they decide to overlook the fact
that my course is not so relevant to their field :S



---------------------------

Might be joining Meghan and Jamie for kickboxing lessons
weeeee :D

time for some punching :D
#learningsomethingnewisfun

--------------------------

I'm sorry to put your gift on hold liang :/
Behind schedule again
*sigh*
PS. Thanks for telling me all those things yesterday :)
It was really sweet :)





Sunday, June 21, 2015

6月21日~~

After 3 years
I finally played badminton

family still had their doubts on my ability in recognizing road signs and in knowing my way
but it's okay
totally understandable :P

anyways ..
badminton with
qianhui, su huey, ming wei, hung yan, his lil bro, yujun, ming wei, jia le, khay wen, zhi yang......

I woke up late (again.. 2 days in a row man ... )
so I arrived half an hour later ..

can't believe..
I actually got better :D

no more falling shuttlecocks in my face :D !

ah~
as if i'm nice wine
leave me along for quite some time
and i'll be even better wine :D

su huey is going to india for dentistry :)
another new country where my friend will be venturing in :D
qian hui is going to taiwan for that very-long-name-kind-of-course-involving-engineering-biotech-agriculture
hung yan will be studying locally, and prolly twin to other countries
yujun will be studying in germany for electronic and electrical engineering
ming wei will be studying in NUS, mathematics and econs
jiale will be going to HKU for engineering (if i'm not mistaken, also same school with bing sheng)
khay wen will be going to taiwan for material engineering
zhiyang will be going to taiwan for pharmacy

okay ..
sorry I just needed to list out in case I forget anything

hurt my finger while playing .. so .. yea.. racket problem :(
but it's okay

had a short lunch :)

had a tiny complaint on how i haven't been karaoke-ing in some time
and they say, name the time, place, venue and they'll be there
(NGAWWWWWW)

bought dad's fathers' day gift
( a lame pen , cuz i don't know what else to buy :(  )
and gave him my diy bday card
( he actually liked it :D .. it was a 2nd attempt card, cuz the 1st one was not very nice :(  )
went for dinner and the movie minions :DDDD

asked the fellow ex classmates if they would like to come for
a short gathering at 11th of July
and yay, they asked where? :D

have a funny feeling that the primary 6 gathering will be (y)

and i'm sooo looking forward to that trip with my 49届学长:)


-----------------------------------------------




PS.. I remember dancing around you when there is music
 and all u did was smile .... 

Saturday, June 20, 2015

6月20日~~

昨天蔚和rose来了
先和蔚在old town 吃午餐
然后在去美子火锅店与rose(和俐杏,一下子)
吃晚餐
太饱了,去aeon走走
再回家
聊天聊到1点睡觉

第二天
园游会
本来要6.30am起来
闹钟却没开到
我们7.15am才醒来
还是like a boss 进到校门口
园游会其实就是一直吃
喝> 吃
吹冷气> 晒太阳
(托林老师和良的福)
叙旧聊天带他们去solaris mont kiara 吃午餐
然后带他们到titiwangsa
良带路
回家
吃晚餐
写blog

ok.那只是很概括很概括的说我干了什么

现在来说点其他啰嗦的吧
呵呵

贤临时变卦
因为要回外婆家

还是有机会见面的
所以没什么关系

和他们说话
最棒的地方就是永远有讲不完的话
最后一次见面可能是1年前
可能是半年前
但永远都不会腻
谈学校,谈升学路,谈感情,谈同学,谈驾车
还有谈
很多很多很多很多很多快被遗忘的回忆:)

我们最引以为荣的
还是我们4个人的互补关系,4个人的默契
当初未完成的愿望
今年实现了

我还记得林老师前几个星期在全团面前说:
伊葶,如果你今年高一,那该有多好?
当时学校还没准备好
当时学长团还没准备好

如今终于去台湾交流
当年的报告也一直被老师refer

小复杂感觉
但已经过了那么久@@

看到很多比我大,比我小,和我同年的学生/同学/老师
才发现原来还有很多认识的人
原来我没有被遗忘
Fear of being forgotten
fear of oblivion

终于可以感谢高二时的化学老师
当年化学考到很低分
可自己付出的努力自己明白
那么大的人第一次在老师面前为了分数哭
她没骂我,只说她担心我
这句就够了
我当时以为理科不再是我的未来了
那天放学后,良特地留校陪我,只因为怕我滴多一滴眼泪
第二天,min画了张小小的图画给我,说不懂要怎么安慰你,所以画点小东西
这样小小的关心
其实早已足够

我绝对不会是个轻言放弃的人
甚至是蛮坚信永远不会只有一条路带我们到康庄大道
但一点点的小push永远都是大大的推动力 :)

林老师给了我1张10块钱的coupun
我感激不尽
还要我们那东西去训育处吃因为很热
:)
谢谢林老师。

谢谢良特地赶回国字楼开助理室的门给我吹个小冷气
哈哈哈哈

谢谢老师们依然那么的关心我们
依然记得我们的名字
毕竟学校5000人,每年都会有不同的人离开,不同的人加入中华这个大家庭
能记得一个人的样貌已经很足够了

solaris mont kiara那家餐馆
比我想象中大
还竟然天外有天
我们藏在一个很可爱的小角落吃我们的set lunch

熟悉感是无法用言语形容的
大家的变化并不大

最好笑的是
当我们回忆起大家最大的缺点(到现在还改不了哈哈)
然后谈起为什么竟然没有其他人发现
我们才知道原来大家从头到为都在以长补短
呵呵~

Another fact :
I've never treated them as deputies
they are more like my partners in crime
All I do is announce the results of discussion to the whole board
We have always described ourselves as a quarter of a soul
4 of us complete each other
I can never agree enough to that statement :)

Not a lot of people can do that
I'm lucky that I've met a few in college :)
like Jamie, Joe Yee and others
I have always treated them as equals
They might have felt it and they might not have
but it's the way I work

Plus, it's very comfortable :)

We can actually click together
when in work, and when as friends just talking crap

To be frank, we are very different people
and I'm so proud we've got until this stage of friendship :)

rose提说要一起去沙滩吗?
蔚不用想就赞同了
(yay!)
but maybe next time :)
who knows?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


I'm glad I have a million little moments
and a million more to come :)





PS .. thanks for everything liang :)

1 and a half years and counting :)

两个笨笨的人相爱
难免会做出些笨笨的事
有些迟钝的觉悟

前天才知道原来园游会,620就在我们交往18个月
昨天才知道原来18个月是1年半= = 

上个月
还是看facebook才知道
哦!原来5月20是520!
(两个笨蛋)


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

6月17日~~

I think I'm ready for this post.

To keep it shorter, I'd rather write this in chinese :)

6月14日(星期日)
爸爸告诉我
外公的状况真的不太好
要我告诉弟弟
最近最好不要出远门
以防万一
其实前几天和albert谈天
是我第一次把外公的所有medical history
列出来
那个时候
我也告诉自己了
要随时准备好
但就是提不起勇气,告诉妈妈和外婆

这是我第一次感觉
因为我听的懂,因为我了解,所以我害怕,所以要坚强

那天晚上晚餐后
爸爸收到消息要我们赶快去医院
情况危急

爸要我和弟弟留在家
毕竟轩第二天有上课

爸说:prepare for a long night

我反复告诉自己:我了解,我害怕,所以我必须坚强。

妈妈知道消息后,很疲累很紧张地问我:葶,公公为什么这样的?
我告诉她:别紧张,可能只是药效退了,指数下跌。很快会反弹的,别担心。去拿件外套。

对。我撒谎。但我不后悔。

11.50++pm 我还在等父母亲回来。一个人在dining room,用着laptop
突然。感觉怪怪的。
也说不上那是什么感觉,就只知道有种很不对劲的感觉。
我把门窗关上了,把窗帘拉好。
感觉还是怪怪的。
很惯例地检查手机。
才看到爸爸发出的消息:5 mins ago, grandpa died. rip

我不知道该有什么反应。
只是看到哲下来
问他:你知道了吗?
他也知道了。

我说,我去睡了。

就这样。我哭了。
谢谢良。那么耐心地聆听和安慰。


6月15日(星期一) // 6月16日(星期二)
早上我起来,感觉还是很不真实的
爸说,下午要带我们到外婆家。
穿素色衣服,拖鞋,不能红。
其实真的不知道该干什么。

父母都不在。

我把所有提醒着妈妈外公去世了的东西都收起来了
包括去医院戴上的口罩

To minimize the number of depressing objects.
is my goal.

也许很多人不赞同我的做法。
认为我在逃避。
也或许我正在逃避。
但更准确的是。
I want to protect my mother.

我很恍惚。
没心情读书。

只是做了一个父亲节卡片
Making cards is quite therapeutic
弹了点钢琴

如此而已。

妈妈的故作坚强。
让人心疼

穿上孝服(我没想过自己会穿,更准确来说,我干嘛要那么想,在我小小的世界里,我坚信大家都能长命百岁,甚至超越一百。。。)

其实这几天
如果我没有往棺木看,
我不会那么伤心、痛心

但每每往棺木一望
眼泪就开始打滚
妈妈和外公说话时,更为难过

唯有回避,能让我有个暂时的心安

这几天我把所有的心思放在不同的地方上
包括:
1. 折金银纸
2. 烧冥纸
3. 整理(什么都好)

尼姑来念经的时候
我看着香端
就这样一直盯着

他们的声音让我暂且忘了一切
沉浸在和外公沟通。

我说了很多句迟来的谢谢你,和迟来的我爱你。
也许年龄大了,不再和外公那么亲密了
但我不会忘记那些点滴

那就来个小小的回忆录(小小代表,我不知道会有多长,但我尽量简短)

= 回忆录 =
很久以前爸爸事业刚建立的时候
他时常出远门。
外公和外婆会来我们的家和妈妈一起照顾我们

外公曾带我到花园散步
教我什么是花
什么是鸟
要我说出来
(我是个很安静的小孩,我不爱和父母亲以外的人说话)

外公曾用“飞牙”故事吓我
他吓得很开心
但我实在是害怕到不敢上楼去
他笑得可咧嘴了
他时常在我到外婆家的时候
笑着对我说,还记得公公飞牙的故事吗?
我畏惧地点点头
基本上这只是个假牙会乱飞的故事
但对我来说,在一个暗暗的地方,一个会乱飞乱咬人的非生物,实在恐怖
(小孩子爬楼梯很容易跌倒嘛)

外公腋下有个肉粒
我一直都很好奇
有一天坐在外公的脚下
我问他,那是什么?可以拔掉的吗?
他哈哈笑着说:这是外公的肉粒,不能拔
但你看……
然后他就用手指让肉粒摇摆两下
我笑翻了
其实小小的我只担心外公会不小心弄到
然后肉粒跌下来,一直流血

外公也在我很小的时候给我看妈妈儿时的照片
然后问我:她漂亮吗?
我点头。
他说:那个是我的girlfriend 来的,shhh 不要告诉婆婆
我很生气。就跑去厨房和外婆告状。
外婆说:哪里可以这样的!我要打公公料。
我很害怕,知道自己闯祸了。就想办法说服让外婆不要打外公
但很fail的跑去客厅跟外公说对不起。。。但是外婆要来打他了
然后他又很开心地告诉我girlfriend很漂亮啊这样的。。。
就这样我反复地在其实没有很远的两个地方跑来跑去
他们俩似乎找到这乐子,一直陪我玩

一直到妈妈来接我回家
才笑着告诉我:那个是我来的啦!
我又郁闷又不好意思地跟着她回家了

如今外公躺在棺材里。
感觉很不是味道

那两天我只有早上和深夜有机会看手机
其实不少人有来讯
有来安慰我的
也有不知情的

说实在
我不知怎么的不太想要很多人知道
但还是告诉了一些人

对不起,让你们一时反应不过来
my bad



6月17日(星期三)
火化日/出殡日

老师说今天她不舒服
cancel violin class
说实在
我也忘了
少一个解释,也好

今天我特别累
也不晓得为什么

但我在外公棺木面前哭了。
但传统是不能哭。哭了就是要灵魂留下。
外公不能安心去西天。
所以我们大家就憋着憋着。
外婆也被牵去在一旁哭泣

听着乐队奏歌。听着妈妈哭着说的故事。真是令人心疼怜惜。

火化场
爸叫我在把外公送进焚化炉时
往下看
我还真的一面向地上看一面叫外公的灵魂出来(这是传统)

我不敢
真的不敢

我其实很不好意思地在烧香时
告诉外公
我没把握自己头七(星期六)会到外公外婆家
因为我真的很害怕
希望他会明白
我连个“飞牙”故事都能让我怕到这样
更甭说……

不用看外公的尸体被熊熊烈火烧了
已经足够了
the heartbreak stops here

I've sought peace
这3天的传统仪式
让我要告诉外公的话
都在心里说了出来
给了我个心安理得
让我明白也接受
外公过世了的事实

其实4姑丈前几个月也刚过世
也慢慢接受人有生离死别的life cycle

妈妈说:尘归尘,土归土。外公就这样没有了
我说:不,外公解脱了。

牵着妈妈的手会外婆家
和她谈了几句
让她安心了一点
让她往前看一点
让她接受了一点
其实只和她谈了点:你猜猜头七外公会变成什么回来啊?
还有很多。



妈妈说,
有只飞蛾晚上在外婆家出现
:)

hello外公
一路走好。

我们还有蛮长的一段时间在世间
但就麻烦你在这段时间来保佑我们了。
:) 谢谢你的一切。我爱你。




PS
谢谢你良。这几天,真的谢谢你的体贴和包容。
没有你的每句话,一切将会更煎熬:)

Thanks Albert didi :)
For caring and understanding
I need some time for now.
But I will be okay soon.


Monday, June 8, 2015

6月8日~~

Feeling much better :)
Thanks for the support guys :D
Really needed it

Called up kaijie yesterday
Because mum was crying
everyone was dead worried
and I can't get the answers I wanted
so it's better to call someone who knows more than just bits of info

after a chat with her on the phone
I felt a lot better
because I actually know what is going on
and had a clue on what the doctor is actually trying to do
though I needed some lament terms to understand the whole situation
(I don't speak medicine)

I explained to my mother
and she got really better

This morning
dad gathered everyone from my uncles to my cousins to my grandma
in the waiting room

my grandma was crying
and my uncles were having red eyes
I am not sure it's from being sleep deprived or crying or both

dad wanted them to sit and listen to me
well ...
I felt rather good :)
to have cleared their minds up from the situation
so they don't have to freak out every time the machine beeps
and every time grandpa was plugged in to more machines that is just too overwhelming

at least now
people are smiling

Its a rather wonderful feeling
to give people hope
and to know what everything is going on
from my little knowledge in sciences over the past few years

but I have a feeling that some of them might be feeling better because of one sentence only:
"As long as nothing else happens, grandpa will get better"

sure, I've cut out a lot of negative things that might occur that my kaijie told me
sure, I've excluded by saying that grandpa's medical history makes complication to occur more easily

but at least grandma is smiling now
she gave me a big hug and said thank you
though i did nothing much but just cleared up the fog above her head
but maybe that's all she needed ... hope ...

Grandpa is still in ICU
though, he's having improvement
which is truly really great
but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that
it will be for a long run
unless a miracle happens


JIAYOU :)
I have faith



-----------------------------------------------------------------------

had a short trip to dad's office
and did a little of the office work on past accounts and stuff
had things laid out for me since I skipped work today (oops)
so tomorrow
will be another long day

went to the bank today too
spoke to the manager (aka just random chatting)

The fact that I'm wearing jeans
and holding a bottle
makes me feel like a naive school girl who knows nothing other than her back of the hand
PS.. I was carrying a bag behind me
(I went there after returning from the hospital)

well :/
there it goes
first impression ...
woosh
but it's okay ... i guess

----------------------------------------------------------------

don't know why
after multiple times of being rejected by scholarship
I kind of have the feeling that the next one will be the same
*sigh*

I guess it's cuz I don't have my actual results
and my SPM results
were not as expected :/
though I have all As.. but we all know that's not enough ...

there are always times when I feel myself
flailing my arms
calling for help
while drowning

some people ignore me with a random nod
some people acknowledge me with sympathy

they don't reach out for help
but just tie bags of sands to my legs

but it's okay
I'm a survivor

I will fight till the end
for what I trust ...

----------------------------------------------------------

Did some research on freshers week for UCL

don't feel like attending anything other the ones prepared for international students
that is held by the college and UCLU itself

for some reason I don't trust myself fully when night dawns upon me
since that freshers party will be after 10pm
with tons of following events

I don't know.. I mean
call me uptight
but I just don't favour the idea of booming loud music
drinks in my hand
and staying up through the night

somehow
I don't really trust myself ....
hmmmmm

but let's just see if time goes by

-----------------------------------------------------------

did mini workout in the room
fell asleep
after doing a 100 of everything

well .. imma try to study

bye


mine is closed :P


Sunday, June 7, 2015

6月7日~~



4号到6号
对我而言是如此残酷
比过山车还刺激的事情
一波接着一波
但我只好从昨天说起。。。
感觉就好像跌进了峡谷。。。
无奈又无助


------------------------------------------------------------------------

从camp回来
整个人很累很累
昨天早上开始一直和妈妈保持联系
我知道外公出事了,进了ICU
我不知道多严重
但回到家的那一刻
我知道了。。。。。

开门发现没人在家
风扇和灯依然开着
窗帘没拉好
妈妈baking到一半的厨房道具
一个清洗到一半那充满奶油的盆
还有Half baked muffins
摸下去黏黏的,毕竟还没微波完就被拿出来了
我赶紧看下微波炉有没有被关好
幸好管好了

打电话给妈妈
她一直哭一直哭
我很无奈,我不知道怎么安慰
她告诉我,如果外公血压没上升到100 。。
医生说24小时里如果奇迹没发生
prepare for the worst
。。。。。。。。。。
我问她要不要我过去?
她啜泣着说,不要。你来也没有用
我打电话给哲,
他和轩在一起,
只有他能告诉我比较完整的来历
我问他爸呢?
原来爸赶着从gathering回来

我一面洗澡一面想想这一切有多戏剧性?多荒谬?
今天的行程本来是
我赶回家,趁爸爸去gathering的时候
和妈妈一起准备爸爸的生日party
帮她bake,准备我的司仪稿,练小提琴等。。。。。。
而且,我十分疲惫
眼睛只是硬撑着
毕竟这几天我没睡超过6个小时

刚走出浴室,发现爸打给了我好多次
他告诉我他20分钟内会接我去医院
要我穿长裤和不要穿红色的衣物
This is bad... this is very bad
关了电话
我发现家里是如此的安静

我很敷衍地乱seen别人的message
面子书和whatsapp的
这几天大家给我的Message
提醒着我,today is just another day
虽然现在有点内疚
但是
我还是seen了后没回复他们的message
我准备会被骂了
但我不管

我告诉自己
现在需要我的是妈妈~

我洗了厨房用具
装了瓶水
拿了个梳子和绑头发的rubber band
(猜测妈妈应该没机会绑头发)

爸来了
我帮他准备妈妈的晚餐
pack了一下面包和热milo
就出发了

去那里的路途中
和爸聊天,一切似乎正常回去了
说他的gathering 如何,我camp如何
我很珍惜这短短的20分钟

到了医院
哲和表弟- 政阳刚好买了水回去给大家喝
哲带我们到外公的icu
还帮我拿了我的东西到外面放
让我赶紧进去

妈妈抱着我哭
外婆抱着爸爸哭

进去后看到同年龄的表弟-政鸿在牵着外公的手
大家眼睛都红红的
他们叫我抓着外公的手和他说说几句话
他的手很冷很冷
爸推了推他,说:葶葶来料,快开开眼睛看她
他眼睛直接弹开看着我
我笑着和他招手,叫他加油
他眼睛无神
呼吸仓促,一直喘着气
看了很心痛很心痛

说了几句话
大家都叫他要加油要坚持
我们都在

外婆还说,你小时候最疼的葶葶记得吗?她来料,ahhong也来料
她要去读大学料,你要坚持,你要挣扎
etc
鸿还说,你要等着出席我们的毕业典礼,我们的婚礼
不要把我们丢下
etc

外婆一直哭着说我好爱你,你要好起来
外公突然手拿了起来
抓着外婆的手
十指紧扣

我看到外公流了眼泪。。。。

外婆请了按摩师
给他通脉
还一直告诉我,他的脉通了!他没那么冷料hor
眼神恳求着我们的肯定

我其实双眼不时盯着荧幕上
它每响一次大家都会紧张一次
但其实并不需要

我牵着外公的左手,盯着荧幕掉下了眼泪
我告诉自己,如果我笨一点,就那么一点
我就不会明白数据告诉我的消息
数据告诉我,奇迹必须发生
数据告诉我,情况是多么的糟糕
我们随时都要做好准备

我很累很累
却不愿意离开

已经快12点了
大家的情绪完全没安稳下来

我有出去2次
都是为了坐下来和擦眼泪
再和良通讯

在一个没有音乐,没有感人肺腑的语言下
我哭了
那是多么入骨的
多么戏剧化,却又多么真实

做戏都是对的
其实在这种非常时期
会突然找到平静一下
看着病人的脸
告诉自己,时间过得太快
闪过了好多的回忆
好多小时后外公照顾我的回忆
外公和我玩的回忆

我又哭了

哲拍摸我的头
我擦了眼泪
继续叫外公加油

大舅,二舅他们也在
他们都在看着他
眼泪流下来了
大舅母从后面抱着了大舅

etc

12点
我们必须离开icu

回到家
我好累好累
和良视讯了一下子
就睡了


今天11点起来
感觉还不太好
看到whatsapp group
爸说
外公的血压已经升了很多
可以进行dialysis了



故,我相信奇迹
我们都爱你,外公




在接下来的48小时加油一点点,一点点就够了
血压再高一点点
你就能出去icu了

------------------------------------------------------------------------

这几天出席了学长团的camp
当了个外援
我有了很多心里准备
却没有预料到如此的地步
太多的突然
太多的不足
太多的问题
让好多人(甚至营长团)措手不及

同届的外援们
都必须挑起这些重担

我不晓得自己这几天骂了多少人
安慰了多少人
协助解决了多少事
驾了多少个小时
说了多少次:你要加油
但我不后悔

我发现时间过得再久
就算我忘了怎么写多少华文字
我依然很在乎
我依然不喜欢外人批评
我依然很袒护这个家

在提早离营的昨天
我发现了很多东西
其中一个是原来,还是有人记得我
有人说,我成为了一个legend
我不敢当,完全不敢当
毕竟我自认自己在任期间
做得不够多,但时间却如此短暂

谢谢林老师,谢谢营长团,谢谢工委,谢谢学长团
依然相信着我

虽然我每一次骂人,都不过半分钟
因为我知道我的身份已经不允许我做出任何决定
我的身份是外援,我负责援助
但我知道我骂得有点狠
就算我多么生气,我依然支持者你们的每一个决定

林主任一直要我和贤,和营长团一起做决定
事实上,我们不赞同
我告诉老师,我们相信他们做的决定
也一定会给他们最大的支持

看着营长团,和我诚恳地说
谢谢你
我其实有很莫名的温暖

负责新正式们的分届活动
让我想起很多很多的从前

比起以前的我
我潇洒了很多
我拿的起,放的下

我告诉他们心底下最想分享的几件事
我告诉他们我离开后的心得

取人之长,补己之短

这,就是我成为今天的我的主要原因
日子久了,违禁品有多少我不记得了
校规有多少条,我不记得了
步操口号我也渐渐慢慢不记得了
但我永远记得
学长团教过我的东西

我学会了自信
我学会了洒脱
我学会了临场反应
我学会了时间管理
我学会了关心
我学会了不只有是和不是的答案,也有none of the above
我学会了坚持也学会了放下
我学会了解决事情比fingerpointing重要

有些友谊来的快去的快
有些友谊来得很莫名其妙,去得也很莫名其妙
有些友谊只是泛泛之交

但有些友谊,是永远

谢谢你们
那么认真聆听着我的话
谢谢敏仪
有勇气做出这个决定,在一夜之前再成长一点
谢谢工委们
让我看到依然存在的坚持


谢谢学长们
让我看到固执的美丽
(PS. 固执在这里是褒义词哦)

这次,有了不一样的身份
却依然发现原来大家依然那么相信着我
谢谢。


------------------------------------------------------------------------

良,谢谢你 :)
在你面前
我是多么的不认真
多么的任性
但你却依然支持着我 Thanks a lot



I love you :) v. v. much



Wednesday, June 3, 2015

6月3日~~

Before I say anything about what happened these few days
let me start off by giving myself a virtual self-slap
*slappppp*

all these months of working out
I was really starting to feel my abs popping out (mini yay, cuz they're still concealed a bit)
but, I keep blaming on my diet for my widened waistline
So I did tons of crunches in anyway possible
and today was the day I realize, crunches was the main reason!!
*self slap again ! *
ARH ..... apparently
sit up of those sorts .. (ESPECIALLY THAT DARN BENCH CRUNCH I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON ) were all culprit of my self-blamed widened waist
TT
craisss...

went and did a quick search on youtube and google
for workout for a thin waistline (plus abs :3 I ain't giving up on that )
seems okay, and I won't be doing those crunches now that I realize what they've done to my figure

today is a new day for a whole new workout (sobs)


------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway
what happened these days

1. Finished "Thanks for the memories" by Cecilia Ahern
I don't think I should write a book report for book club on that
since I've already going to graduate
it was okay, but I like PS I love you more, and Where Rainbow Ends (aka Love, Rosie) more

FINALLY STARTING ON ELLEN DEGENERES' SERIOUSLY.. I'M KIDDING
it was hilarious :'D ... and I"m barely a quarter through
an enjoyable read for sure

2. Went back to hometown 
I have never been so sober throughout the whole journey
the dreaded rain when I was driving make me tired though
I saw a tomyam restaurant with a carrot sign drawn out of nowhere
I laughed really hard
and I saw a couple of dead animals in the middle of the road
all seem to have died a couple of days, if not, weeks
I can't tell what they were, they all seem kind of like giant rats
but dad say one of them is prolly a musang, and another is probably a tiny chicken or baby monkey
PS. I saw a family of monkeys along the road
I don't know how he can tell when what's left are just the insides and the rotten skin
Oh, I saw a gigantic 四脚蛇 .. and I screamed a little
kind of reminded me of the lizard waijue showed me on fb hahahahaha (though, 50 times bigger or something)
Tried studying chem, didn't have much progress on that though hahahahaha
saw nieces and nephew
all grown up
can speak liao :D ... yayyy

3. Preparing dad's birthday party 
I'm soooo underprepared :(
I've made dad's birthday card a day before I go to hometown
and made my family members sign them yesterday
and then yesterday night while dad was sleeping
mum guided me through steps for a dance we'll be leading that day
but that's basically it O.O
I'm supposed to
1. Play the violin
2. Buy a present
and I haven't done either but I won't be in until night at 7/6
#notsoggbutstillgg

4. Astro Scholarship 
Kay, I kind of have the idea Shell just rejected me
since it's june
and no one replied my email
I've made multiple phonecalls that lead me to nowhere :(
so .. have to try something new :(
I know the chances are so slim
it's slimmer than me (cuz I've grown wider due to dem darn crunches TT )
but it's okay.. might as well just try it out

5. Further studies
Changing between Pure Maths 4, Mechanics 2, and STPM Chem textbook 1
I'm not going really far
since, well I haven't gone more than chapter two
RAWR ...
Slow like a sloth
some of my friends are starting on their med. studies liao
Some funny part of me says they've gone wayyyy ahead of me
cuz I'm just that slow :'D


etc

anyway
have a nice life guys!