6月14日~~

Moral story of the day,

when I'm bored, I get really super duper random 

so much that I fear for people who are close to me 

Here's the list of things I've done when I was home alone for the last 48 hours

1. Learn a new guitar strumming method and recorded myself singing 《听见下雨的声音》
Fav Lyrics I put in Hui Xian's Birthday card:

"幸福也可以   很安静   我付出一直  很小心" 

2. Started watching The Last Airbender 
Ryan has been bugging me about this for so long, watching and finishing it has become a responsibility

Currently on season 2 right now! :D 

3. Made a miniature treehouse for fairies
was inspired by the ann harbour fairy tales from Michigan
wanted to make a fairy door just like it ( I even ordered a small piece of wood from amazon!) but the wood was too thin :( and when I start cutting it, it just started tearing apart, so I decided to make something out of huixian's leftover birthday card in the end, it was supposed to be a simple geometric ornament, but it looks so ... boring ... so I added a little twist of my own ..

A cosy treehouse must have a blanket .. so ..

4. Learnt knitting

I knitted while watching the last airbender, guess who found what to do on the 13hour flight back? :D .. I seem like a grandma who is damn bored of life 

5. Jogged to Olympic Park
..
This one, I cannot :') It's just SO pretty 

I can't believe I have been missing out on this after living here for the past 9 months :D 

but because I'm really bad with directions
(and I mean.. really REALLY bad )

my 14.5 km run became 16.7 km :3 

How normal people go to olympic park from Tottenham Hale   

How I travel to Olympic Park from Tottenham Hale 

it could have been easier if I just ran STRAIGHT  

but NO .. cuz I'm dumb, see that little u-turn at the beginning? 

ya .. I made a boo-boo and ran one round .. only to realize I went back to where I came from when things look "familiar"

笨到要死 ugh 

This is a curse and a blessing as well
because of this , when I run back from olympic park
the road only got 似曾相似 的感觉
not quite familiar (obviously I still took a lot of wrong turns)
but it's equally pretty and not at all boring :)

I agree with min
boring / tiring routes, are the ones that goes in circles
you can see where your starting point and ending point is all the time

I was running by the river lea 

and there are A LOT  of river boats 

each of them one-of-its-kind :) 

they have fake grass on their boats ! 

designs were on point

it reminds me of a video where a couple lived on a river boat for 1 year

I wonder if I ever have the courage (or the capacity) to do that ? maybe not :) 

It's like god got tired of creating the world. 

painted half of it on a piece of paper 

folded it into half while the paint is still wet

and voila! the whole scenery is created 

#reflection 

if you don't like this you're dead inside :3

To run alone, is such an amazing feeling :) 

Have found it therapeutic since a very long time ago 

Put on your running shoes, 

move your legs and into autopilot mode you go 

have 《 复刻回忆》 and 《不为谁而做的歌》 on replay 

PS. I saw a guy wearing a "flash" t-shirt while running fast (comparative to me obviously) I laughed .. oh wait no .. laugh is a strong word .. I chuckled .. :3 hehe

PPS. Thinking of starting a new project with my untouched notebook, but let's see how it goes :) 

6月11日~~

Watched this movie called "Still Alice"

I cry a lot in general, so there's no surprise that I cried quite a few times throughout the movie
thinking: wow, i'm such an jumbo of emotional mess

Victor asked me to watch this movie last scenario when we did our research on Alzheimer's Disease and the production of placebo pills
He said he just thinks it's the kind of movie I'd love
Later that day, Hui Xian and Chris explained to me what Placebo actually meant

I didn't watch it until now .. but this is truly a heartbreaking yet heartwarming movie man
:')

Alice, in the movie, convinced her future self
that if she has reached, what she deemed, the "severe" case of memory impairment
which is when she can't remember her own name, address, family..
she will take her own life

but when that happened and she tried to take her own life
she couldn't remember how
she had to remind herself over and over and over again
on the steps of taking her life
and in the end
she forgot still
and scattered the pills on the bathroom floor

it was ... so well performed quite 刻骨
would definitely recommend this to anyone

Rotten tomatoes 88%, no wonder it's good :')

===

I wonder if love like that could ever exist again
the power of love for family
not my current one
but a potential future one

to love unconditionally isn't scary

to believe in love being reciprocated again
to lose all rational thoughts and love uncontrollably like a madman again

now that's just a leap of faith

I wish I have more faith in humanity

===

Yesterday I watched this really old show - 匆匆那年
Apparently it isn't "that" old, it's just 2014

that show is about regret in not holding on to that first love

月有阴晴圆缺，人有悲欢离合，此事古难全。 -- 《水调歌头》
初二华文

匆匆那年有句歌词
“我们要互相亏欠，我们要藕断丝连”
wow

我其实不赞同这句
故，再舍不得，也要放手

就算过不去、回不来
我告诉自己，绝不要像电影里的男女主角一样委屈作贱自己
拒绝当爱情的奴隶

老句，
首先，学会爱自己
才能重新开始，从心开始

===

PS.. It's apparent that I've been wasting my 1st day of holiday
PPS.. I will be alone in the flat for a few days starting tomorrow .. oh no :( ...

Quote from 星彤's instagram
“对我而言，大学生活最残忍的莫过于接受人在世间皆为孤独体的事实。不是我不够独立，是那种孤单感不一般、它更接近你们相互灵魂中缺乏的熟悉、默契共鸣，以及仅此于当下的话题。很无力。”

共勉之

6月9日~~

WOOO !

2nd year ended with glam and flare 

After being told my friends that I look "like an engineer" in my snapchat for a while

I finally got a reason to dress up :D 

"How to Change the World" 

is a 2 week long project that allow UCL engineering and management students
to work together on any issue related to the assigned topic.

By the end of 2 weeks, we pitch these ideas to related government bodies and engineering firms

Sounds damn cool when my dad said "it sounds like you guys are a free consultation space"

which is true, since some ideas actually get implemented 

but the progress was like a roller coaster ride. 

I didn't really feel that ^ until Nicholas pointed out my twitter rant 

HAHAHAH 

probs because i didn't really mind 

and the group appreciated my effort, unlike Victor's group 

damn I feel bad for him 

"Can you make a video" in less than 23 hours
"Can you design a A0 poster" in less than 11 hours
"Can you design a pamphlet" in less than 4 hours 

Aside from the 2nd task that another girl who disappeared 50% of the time decided to take up on 

That's partially how I contributed to the team

aside from the usual market research and field research of course :) 

Before the start of any team project (which happened for don't know how many times already this year)

I always pray that there will be someone else in the team who is either Malaysian or who cares 

And this time, I got both :) 

They are so appreciative and genuinely nice people 

that instantly made me feel guilty when I get pissed or annoyed or frustrated at them 

:') 

Quick shout-out to Elwin, 

A lot of crap comes out of his mouth which made my day all the time 

and also stuck around when shit happens 

cue: day of field research, shooting of video and attempt to make a prototype

Also thanks to Shabbir, 

it has been amazing working with him as well 

so considerate and creative, no wonder he has a placement with GE next year 

Even though Valerie told me to not give this project more hours aside from the 9-5pm 

I still did 

but because the team was so supportive, none of us pulled an all-nighter :) 

My worst was just 2am 

and that's damn early compared to other scenarios, projects, lab reports etc 

Link to Video: https://youtu.be/gtSi3VuIPIc

L 2 R : China, Romania, UK, Malaysia, UK, Malaysia

We didn't win, but it's okay :)

because I've done my best and given it my all 

and I'm sure others have done the same 

===== 

2nd year actually passed by with lightning speed 

I definitely put more effort into my 2nd year compared to my 1st year

no more excuses about external commitments that ended around April ish 

Eternally grateful to my buddies that stucked around :') 

for sending me answers
for helping me with my code when I'm obviously not going to make it for the deadline 

for staying back with me

for skipping dinner with me 

for all the "relationship advice" that all of you so openly give to me

for laughing and enduring me at my drunk moments yet still ask me out for drinking sessions

Idk mate 

I legit dk how I would survive without y'all 

y'all are all MVPs 

==== 

We all had bad teams every once in a while, 

but I have to say, that "all-Malaysian" team was one that I really love 

even though it was 4 days of hell when I made that stop motion animation

my flatmates that put "food offerings" in front of my door

send me little cards and stuck post-it notes on my door to wish me all the best 

and messages of "do you need help" really made everything worthwhile

Living together may have a bit of 摩擦

& we may b*tch about each other every once in a while

but if anything, it just made me feel more like a family :) 

thanks for tolerating my shit throughout the year, 

I may be difficult at times, a bit emotional, a bit oblivious

and very much indecisive when it comes to food and directions

but thank you so much for being there for me 

for giving me hugs when I'm down
for cooking me food when I'm stressed out 

for listening to me when I talk about my personal problems 

much much much love ♥

I would spend time writing about each of you here, but what's the point, I'll be expressing my love to you in your birthdays anyway ;) 

===

With less commitments, I was able to have more time to "feel"

I have more human touch 

I had more time to reflect and think 

I had more time to explore my capabilities 

I had more time for family and friends

it made me understand why Ye Huan told me in the first place that 

"It's okay if you don't get yourself updated as much as you want to,
It's okay to do what you want to do"

she learnt muay thai 

and I ... learnt the guitar .. I guess? 

I had more time to explore the artistic side of me, and got complimented from friends who are just too kind to say mean things to me :') 

I even had time to join the gym ! Like what even O.O

=== 

For a lot of reasons I didn't think friendships like these are possible, but here it is:

1. Got closer to my seniors : Hi Yi Lian 

We don't have any photos together.

But here's one that has watermark on it, we joked about how people would ask us to "remove" the watermark with our photoshop skills LOL 

she has a strong character and survives on optimism. 

she belanjas me so much food by asking me out for dinner and lunch during the exam season. 

I'm glad we've gotten way way closer than in my 1st year, we've opened up to each other quite a lot. Her friends thought we were together as a couple, and I actually didn't mind, because it was damn funny.

Oh! Did I mention, she's managed to break 75 girls' hearts since she was 11?

HAHAH 

also, 'thanks' for making me feel like a pervert and someone with a dirty mind when u crack those uncensored jokes on me 

You're one of the rare people who chooses a job that is half the highest salary you could have gotten just for the learning experience. All the best in PwC :) 

2. Got a lot closer to people not from my Uni 

There are a lot of people in this category, but I need to make 2 honorary mentions

Rui Jian 

I know I don't talk about him much in this blog, but believe me when I say 

I talk A LOT to this fellow who is damn carry, don't sleep and has the determination of a mountain. 

He would commit himself into so many things, 

yet still talks to friends with a long list of whatsapp messages to reply everyday 

and the thing is .. he replies each of them with a lot of 用心 

At first I thought it was just to A103A, and then he does it to my other flatmates as well 

and then I realize how he would carefully plan out everyone's birthday presents and surprises

it was just really touching that someone like him exists in this world:') 

He's the kind of person, who would sacrifice "Sleep" to keep the other "Social" and "Work/Academic" aspect balanced out 

And it doesn't feel as if he's forcing himself to do that, because it's just so genuine 

that I really don't know how he did it, and I look up to him because of these qualities ^ 

Thanks for being there (online 24/7 超恐怖der)
for scolding me with yu xian when I need to rush a deadline and is still online
and for being genuinely excited for me when I share something that's important to me :) 

Even though I know I'm not really considered as someone you're close to, but I just want you to know that it has been a pleasure having you as someone close to me. 

PS. sorry for my bad memory all the time

Yu Xian 

Like Rui Jian, this fellow unleashes 粗口 onto me  

which is not a very common thing for people to do to me 

he threatens me to finish my work too 

and rewards me with a short "getaway" in London 

He's damn random

damn smart

damn carry also 

The things he is interested in, makes me feel like travelling the world with him man 

Seeing the world through his lens :) 

Despite being a remarkable human being with minimal sleep 

he is super humble ...

he has high standards for himself and shows no sign of backing down 

I'm sincerely proud of him for achieving so much thus far

Thanks for fetching me so many times last summer 

though you kept ranting about it to me but you never failed to do so 

And to the both of you .. thanks for having so much faith in me as well :)
I don't know what I've done that gave y'all so much confidence in me 

but thanks for believing in me despite the occasional sass. 

3. Realize friendships that crosses geographical boundaries: Hi Rynn 

This was me after I came back from a long day at Graduan, complaining about a specific company and their business plans with holes.. I was so tired and was already 语无伦次 

yet I still needed to rant to him man .. hahahha 

and that doofus go and screenshot me when I'm half dead .. wth

To think it all started when you messaged the ICMS Page about MPPC last summer. It is still unbelievable that we can become so close. Never thought that our friendship can be so organic, but thanks for chatting with me everyday.

You know a lot, like SUPER duper a lot about me 

even though we only met like twice in real life? 

each not lasting for more than 10 minutes 

Needless to say, we only have one official photo on mppc, and you look damn awkward HAHHA 

Because you also damn carry, don't sleep one, active in clubs, societies, competitions etc .. 

I never felt a time difference between us HAHAHHA 

How these people survive on minimal sleep I really don't know 

because I'm weak

This one legit, thank you for being there. 

You're like a big brother I never had, or rather a self proclaimed 闺蜜 (luls)

can't wait to see you in summer though! 

even though u have very big dreams and promise things too quickly 

and I'm damn gullible

You are just one of those rare people that don't push me away when I start becoming a little sad talking about my relationship problems

that even discuss for a prolonged period of time, I never knew people can care so much for others :') 

There is an obvious brozone between us after what happened *erkhem* I promised u to never disclose to other people that it was me that officiated the brozone 

HAHAH 

but we all know what the real story is :P 

thanks for still being a really close friend of mine. 

Other honorary mentions include : Kah Kit, Sophia, Zhi Ling, Jon Ong, Scott, Han Yang, Zheng Si, Jamie, Shi Min, Yu Jun etc ... Thanks for your trust and your faith in me, I don't know what I've done to deserve all of you :) 

===== 

I've also got way closer to my family 

specifically my parents 

don't get me wrong, I was always close to them 

but now I'm more open to them on what's going on with my life 

that includes my feelings that I've hidden away ever since I started dating when I was 16

It was such a pain hiding things away from them that I equated omission to lies 

I definitely skyped my parents more often and longer now

and I wrote my dad a very long letter on his birthday 

to let him know exactly why he will always be the hero that I can only dare to dream of becoming 

so proud of my mum as she continues to develop herself 

which is a huge change for her over the past decade 

As usual both of them are very open about their feelings to us as well 

dad will tell us that he is "emo"

and both of them will send us photos when we were kids 

=====

second year was a year of growth 

where independence became a norm and was integrated into my life

While I'm still learning to be single

I definitely cry less 

(but I started to curse :( ) 

The experience is truly humbling and I thank the people that I've met and never planned of being close to 

for everything and anything 

 I was also definitely less kiam siap then my first year
hahahahaha
so ya :) glad I got over that barrier
but dad just called me this morning asking me if I've starved myself in April / May
(It was exam season k ... )


PS 发现自己总被夕阳感动

Conversations with strangers

Nothing to do while I'm at the tube station waiting for the district line

Wanted to write this post for some time, but for whatever reason I made up for myself I just didn't write this


1.
When the victoria line stopped running due to driver sickness and lack of manpower I took the national rail home, that was when I met Ms. Wong, a Malaysian mom that opened up her own accounting branch in London amd travels to and from Cambridge 3-4 times a week, (2.5 hours leh!) because she let her children study there.

How did I know this? Because she told me in the 20 minutes we sat opposite each other after I asked her "by any chance, are you Malaysian?" She started speaking in Chinese with me..

We had quite a nice conversation and she is just sweet and斯文 around the age of 40.something i guess? :)

She told me a bit about her life, how she used to study here, it was a big change for her children etc.. we exchanged names a minute or two before I got down from the train

不晓得自己有没有向她一样的勇气, 去寻找对梦想的执着与爱的牺牲之间的平衡点

This happened a few days ago


2.
When chris, geyin and I were walking along leicester square, i saw a guy blindfolded with his eyes wide open. In front of him lies a card that says something along the lines of hugging makes everyday more beautiful.

Without hesitation, i went up and hugged him. I think I was about his chest height only and he slowly wrapped his arms around me. I whispered to him, thank you for doing this, have a nice day. He said "same to you, have a lovely evening"

I've always wanted to do this, but the fear of the evil side of humanity still hits me.

Ps. I'm a hug whore :3 love hugs to death... can give hugs to anyone

To give, with complete and absolute trust in human nature.... 也需要执着与勇气

This happened yesterday


3.
Last summer when I was flying back to Malaysia my plan of sleeping from the beginning of the flight to prevent jet lag was jeopardized. But it didnt matter a lot, i met a 30 来岁的妇女。Her name was flora and she works for MayAir, a china company that started its branch in Malaysia 2 (now 3) years ago.

They make facilities to purify air in the offices, where the engineers are also marketing agents.

This integration is like a dream to me. But that isnt the point. She is so excited to have the opportunity to come to London with her CEO and CFO (which I guess she is also part of the senior management team) that she can't stop sharing with me her experience here for 1 -2 hours.

She told me about her staff back in Malaysia, how the new graduates build prototype when they meet new clients, told me about how her CEO has a really strong chinese ed background, and her CFO an english ed background, how she acts like a bridge between people..

She asked me to come over to her company, and I felt like I legit have the need to tell her that even though, this sounds like what I would love to do, I'm just a first year undergraduate.

We exchanged phone nunbers before we left the plane and she did message me after a few months. Dad wasn't too keen to letting me work there I think? Plus I had an internship already anyways, and I'm pretty sure she was just goddamn excited to go back to her family!.

Oh ya! Of course she talked about her daughter, younger son, and her husband. A strong accounting background family really does things to the children man, they understood the laws and regulations, how EPF, education funds operate etc.. when they were in primary school. She beamed like a proud mother. And i am super duper impressed O.O the kids can give me education man hahahaha

She reminds me of my dad, when he talks about us in front of friends. But there is no way he would mention the company part.

I guess in a way, we tend to trust and open more to 生命中的过客a bit more :) 今日之缘, 依旧是缘。

缘分。what a magical wonderful phrase. She might have forgotten me by now, and i might have jet lag after that ( couldnt sleep the whole flight) but I havent forgotten her.

Age, doesnt kill joy and excitement as well^^ And I wish I share the same joy as her in my journey to adulthood.

This happened last summer.

Right then have to get off now. Kew gardens now :)