Before the trip
I've made promises
I've finally gotten better from being sick for 2 weeks
I couldn't wait to do a lot of things with you
I couldn't wait to explore the city with you
I couldn't wait for my turn to take care of you
for when I was sick
you were there
an unfortunate event in the mountains
created a snowball effect (bigger than what I dare to imagine) after I came back
... got me feeling guilty
but it opened me up to a whole new bag of emotions that I have not felt before ....
As I stared at you
a person who has no blood-related obligations to take care of me
I can't comprehend ..... a lot of things
You let me go on the trip
.......... The surprise trip you've planned after I told you that I always wanted to visit Roald Dahl's Museum
There is literally nothing else in the village other than that museum and it seems ridiculous for anyone to go...
but there you go, a person who never read Roald Dahl, thought Matilda was one of the worst musicals you've ever watched .. You've bought the train and museum tickets for us ..........
despite how reluctant you were in the first place
you let me go on the trip
I can name a list of people
who would not let me step out of the house
You let me be my stubborn self
while you took care of me :)
It was a long journey
where I took twice the amount of time to walk from one point to another
you were patient with me
so so patient with me
helping me watch my step
making sure you were in front of me every time I go down the stairs and behind me every time I go up the stairs
I felt ....
so understood
as if you shared my vision and senses
despite your heavy workload
you decided to stay over with me till uni reopens
you "moved in", made sure the flat was OKU friendly by bringing in a stool for me so I can shower with ease... even when everyone else in the tube was looking at you
bought a table desk for me (and returned it for me after realizing that huixian has one in her room left by her previous tenant)
you helped me with my groceries, my chores, my daily routine
you didn't have to .....
yet you did
you followed me to the hospital
and even though I always ask you to bring something to do
you chose to talk to me instead
once again
I stared at you
a person
who just got together with me less than 2 months ago
I was sick for 2 weeks, and travelled for a week, and now I'm crippled
I can't comprehend still
the period of me being a healthy girlfriend is short-lived
the amount of time you've invested in me
the sacrifice you've made for me
you .....
felt like family
my dear
you didn't need to stay
I would have understood
this is your final year in university
and no one deserves this
you could have enjoyed it with your friends
.... a better relationship
but you stayed
did things for me even before I asked you to
You were the first person whom I've shared my tears and fear with
after the 1st round of diagnosis up in the mountains
You stopped working and took my hands when you saw me crying as I voice-called my very concerned parents asking me to defer my studies..
You volunteered to go to my friend's gathering with me
even if it's outside your comfort zone
You became friends with my friends for me
my dear, my darling
you did all these for me
I was shocked
when you said
you can apply for an MC to ask for deadline extensions and being absent in classed just to take care of me
in the meantime, my ego has yet allowed me to email my lecturers and tutor to tell them about my situation
I was shocked
when you told me that in the event I need to stay in the hospital post-surgery
you'd be there .... and you said it's great that my father would come... then there won't be a period that I'd be alone....
I ... am out of words
these are things
that I thought only my parents would do for me
Out of a sudden, I felt very small in your arms
You don't deserve this, yet I've lost count of every little thing you've done for me
Nothing can describe how sorry I feel for you and how eternally grateful I am for you
the person who's there for me from dusk to dawn, 24/7.
darling
I love you so much
and I don't know what I've done to deserve you
as I type with tears in my eyes
Thank you. For everything. For being there in the messiest of times.
You're the biggest surprise I've had in 2017.
Thanks for making sure I don't feel alone.
Thanks for holding me when I feel like crying.
It's still early in a relationship to say this
(but as you've taught me, time is relative.)
and against all the promises I've made to myself
No one resonates with me as well as you
No one takes care of me as well as you
You're literally my everyday right now and
I see a forever in you
Once again,
I've learned how to believe
I owe you something darling
something bigger than just favours
and I believe it's no longer my strong tendency to return the favours
but a tendency to accept all that you've done for me
when the world seems messed up
you're the set point that also help send corrective action in the feedback control loop to set things right again
in other words, you hug the negative energy out of me until all that's left is a smile on my face
you're the nerdiest love I've ever had
and you have the biggest heart that I've ever seen
you deserve the best
I hope I am enough and I promise to be better :)
