By now, everyone has made the joke about flying cars and having a 20 20 vision
The joke got very old very quickly, sadly
Every year, I'd make new year resolutions.
Just like everyone else
Except that this year, my flatmates aren't around to talk about it
We used to pin it on the wall in our living room
To remind ourselves, what we're fighting for this year
And also for everyone else to see and laugh along with us
Those were good old times ...
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Anyway, here's my list
1. Cope with anxiety
2. Pick up digital art again
3. Learn trading
As some of you may have known
I've got anxiety
One may have thought that some holiday would help
it does, but the panic attacks and illogical thoughts are still around, the ecg report shows otherwise about my palpitation
I started reading books about what anxiety is exactly
I distant myself from people,
people whom I think aren't the best listeners or prone to brushing things away
which is quite sad that I do distant myself from some of my close friends
I'd like to properly thank KY and my family
They've been respectful
Loving me just enough to believe what was once unbelievable
They politely laugh at my attempts to tease myself
while hiding their concern
Pulling me close whilst I pushed everyone away, even if it hurts
Words cannot explain how I thankful I am to those who helped, who thought of me, who was there and more
I don't know what I've done to deserve this
But I'll be here if ever any of you needs me :)
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Digital art,
ah yes
I've paused on the whole designing thing for a year
Finally, it's time to pick it back up again
what better time than to do it in the magnificent year of 2020 and when everyone wants to start a company again?
I just hope I'm good enough
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It's also time to be an adult and generate more income
As I've started working, I realise I demand more ...
buying coffee and sandwiches when I could have just brought an apple along
even when the company doesn't sponsor me the food
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It's also a good time to admit that each time I'm in London
I crave for alone time
I don't feel the need to tell my friends that I'm around and if we should hangout
The moment I reach the hotel
I feel like I need this
I'd go to the gym alone, have dinner and breakfast alone
I'd bring my laptop or a good book
I'd rest in my bed flipping through channels
and wait till I call KY
I'm not the best of friends
which is what I'm trying to change as well this year
Not sure how it would work between giving myself some time and socialising
but we shall find out :)
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I realise that I've not been posting on Instagram
I guess it feels like life has taken quite a turn since
and everything little and normal feels great but too silly to be shared
Love became the littler things
It became lazy Sunday afternoons, Saturday morning strolls along the river
waking up next to the person you love who greets you good morning with a smile on his face
It became silly dances and long looks
It became window shopping in the local arts and crafts store and more
It became whispered phone calls on the phone
People still ask me why don't I like what I'm doing
I do, but the problem is when you start waking too early, having cold lunches in the office, takeaway dinners on the train and shitting in the train station.
You start to question life, you know?
I know that I can't do this when I'm 35
Life is strange
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Lately, I've been wondering where home is for me?
I'm a dandelion with no roots
floating around with the wind
being the pawn and moving piece in someone else's game
