My world has changed
without me noticing
but still .. it was as planned
ironically I saw it coming
but I wasn't well-prepared enough for it
Ever since that last rejection from Microsoft
I have been reflecting on the interview experience
What went wrong?
It was smooth sailing, and I haven't met anyone who've gotten an internship with Microsoft before
I was so close to something, a dream, an option or a way out
I'm not sure
Did I make too many jokes?
Should I have played by the books and just recommend another corporation for them to venture?
Was it a mistake for me to actually admit my shortcomings?
Should I have played by the books and just recommend another corporation for them to venture?
Was it a mistake for me to actually admit my shortcomings?
Would it be different if I do it again?
I'm not sure
I'll never be sure
but the HR guy from Singapore certainly gave me a very wordy rejection letter
I sensed the words of probable electronically generated words of sincerity and encouragement
what went wrong?
right now, what's left, is my internship with National Grid that I may or may not get,
either way, they're taking their own sweet time to get back to me
Sincere doubts about my own capabilities at that point in life
"Microsoft's rejection was my last straw"
I said as I called him in tears
The world was suddenly a very unfair place to be in
the challenges that the ultimate-power-from-above has bestowed upon me
was not the easiest for sure
My confidence level has not dipped this low for some time
Wouldn't call it "plummeting confidence" since it's not all thorns in this bed of roses of course
but once again, the fear of not being good enough, being neither here nor there
struck upon me
Think about it, I was even scared for my university presentation
fear of not being able to answer questions correctly and such.
Things I haven't been afraid of
Amid all, I find this slight change in personality amusing
For once, I'm glad I decorated my room with positivity
One twist of my head and I'll see the tiny post-it note asking me to dream big at the beginning of the academic year.
One look into the mirror and I see postcards and greeting cards from the people I love and from the people who love me
and one so often, I'm very lucky to find the person I love sitting right beside me, only an arm's length away
I gave myself a very long holiday
a day and a half, might I add
doing nothing but colouring, drawing, guitar playing, reading, and sleeping
It's like the person that's always full speed ahead, slowed down to a strolling pace
That isn't me
I couldn't even hide my disappointment
I was embarrassed...
at that moment, I asked Wei Wen what her plans were for summer
and she told me she was just going to chill at home with her mom for the 3rd year in a row
and she told me she was just going to chill at home with her mom for the 3rd year in a row
and I asked her if I should do the same
because it does sound mighty tempting to me
and she told me "I think you'll be bored"
which is true
and I'm once again lost
The academic year has come and almost going away,
with no summer plans ahead of me
I feel very insecure
I guess I can only place all my focus on my exams when I have at least some sort of hope for summer internships the 2nd thing on my goals-list
I guess I can only place all my focus on my exams when I have at least some sort of hope for summer internships the 2nd thing on my goals-list
==
On a side note
I just received 20 pounds from Zhi Ling for designing her dad's companies' logos :D
I giggled with excitement like a little kid since it was the first time someone paid me for my work
the world was better despite scary uncertainties.
Favourite excerpts from the book I just finished:
When Paul decided to have a baby with Lucy despite knowing he has limited time
"Will having a newborn distract from the time we have together? Don't you think saying goodbye to your child will make your death more painful?" She asked.
When Paul decided to have a baby with Lucy despite knowing he has limited time
"Will having a newborn distract from the time we have together? Don't you think saying goodbye to your child will make your death more painful?" She asked.
"Wouldn't it be great if it did?" I said.
Paul's message to his baby
When you come to one of the many moments in life where you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, ad done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man's days with a sted joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years,
When you come to one of the many moments in life where you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, ad done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man's days with a sted joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years,
a joy that does not hunger for more and more but rests, satisfied.
In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing.
