8月20日~~

I am very good at people pleasing but very bad at standing up for myself when being taken advantage of

In the past, I've relied on bosses to help me right my "wrong" (re-overenthusiasm)

But today, I undid my mistakes myself. 

It's a silly thing to celebrate on but I'm very happy with what I've achieved. 

It's just a little sad that when I look around I don't have a lot of people to high 5 on my small win. 

I've climbed the corporate ladder as fast as I could and it will only get lonelier. 

If I skipped a couple of lessons, and only complete them in the later levels. I need to remind myself that learning it alone can seem hard but never impossible. 

--

On a different note, I'm more tired than ever in my 3rd trimester.

8月19日~~

I'm in my third trimester.

Can you believe it?

I feel more tired than before, easily exhausted.

It's getting harder to give 101% at work, and I'm toning this down and letting things slip.

My baby's kicks are more profound.

He knows how to aim for my bladder now before bed so that's tough on my sleep

My husband is loving as ever. 

My colleagues are understanding. 

I'm frequently imagining myself with my baby boy. Not just as a baby, but as a toddler, a kid. 

I stop talking about giving up work. 

But I'm sure those emotional thoughts will resurface. 

I can't imagine how maternity leave will look like yet, but I will hold on to those moments with the tiny family we've built.

8月10日~~

Pregnancy hormones are fascinating. 

My emotional maturity slipped by 20 years,

whilst equipped with highly over protective instincts.

I don't know how to explain this further, on the outside i look the same (side from the pregnancy belly)

But on the inside, I'm overly emotional, and therefore prone to being gullible, at every subject. My imagination goes wild at every headline or every casual statement swung my way. 

And if the conversation or subject even slightly related to the safety of my son or my husband, my emotional reaction erupts. 

Evolution is fascinating. 

I know people still expect me to have adult conversations on controversial subjects and expect me to have the same adult conversation pre-pregnancy, but it's harder when I'm highly sensitive now, and it's not something I can control

I know its hard to believe, but I don't know how else to put it.

Just, wow, the brain does change.