Yet here I am tonight at 11.32pm sitting and thinking what life has become, listening to Hozier's "would that I"
Which sort of brought me back to Bristol, a place I've left 7 months ago
A place where I do have these pockets of time for myself. Sometimes alone together with KY, sometimes "alone alone" like right now.
Times like these are like meeting an old friend from the past, you have to slowly reintroduce yourself to yourself.
Starting with a gentle "hi" and "how are you"
Mixed with old stories, new updates and thoughful silence
How's your health? How's your family? How's your relationship? How do you feel now that you've moved back? What has changed? What do you miss the most?
Things I'd ask myself at times like these.
True I've answered them a lot of times these past few months, but I felt like I haven't given it enough thought when I say "I'm engaged" "it feels good to back" "my knee hurts again"
It's different from when I decided to move back and I say "I'm moving back for family,they are the most important thing to me,"
It's different from when I said "the stars are beautiful" when I gazed at them at Kruger
I appreciate the path I've taken these few months, it's like accelerating through life and skipping a couple of levels.
It's pretty wild, less overwhelming than I thought it would.
And I appreciate having to do this with KY and our families.
I appreciate being with people who love me and whom I love, that weather these challenges with me, unconditionally and wholeheartedly
People are much more human in real life than when they were online and far away. And my present feels less detached from the past. I continue to grasp on to feelings that ground me, and be in the moment each time I do.
I won't make sense in this post when I read back haha
