Yesterday, my calendar went crazy - it was an 8.30am start (but people started calling me before that) - and lasted until 4.00 pm. I was supposed to have a 30-minute break in between, which became 15 minutes as the call overran.
During that 15 minutes I broke down and cried. I forced myself to calm down 2 minutes before the next call. And blamed it on the bandwidth as the reason why I can't turn on my camera.
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It's these insane back-to-backs that makes it so difficult.
You know you can do the work - but you can't do it- if you're not allowed time to do it.
How do you work smart - when you barely have time to work?
How can you delegate when you're at the bottom of the food chain?
I've been sleeping early these days - I work till about 6.30pm, have dinner, sometimes work a little more (thinking mostly) and then sleep at 9.30pm. I wake up at about 6am (officially 6.30am) and start work after some morning stretches around 7am.
I don't show myself as online anymore, just a little act of rebellion, however small it may seem.
Perhaps just a way for me to feel like I still got control over life.
Either way, I know very well that this is not the work-life balance I was promised.
It's a long weekend (with Monday as a bank holiday) and my first thought was to work anyways - but in peace without calls.
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That being said - I appreciate that members of the team have told me that this is unfair and not to do that. We work with the hours we got and try our best to not get overstretched.
And I do enjoy the constant learning and unlearning I'm going through now. My brain hurts after the day from all the active listening and thinking. Eventually, I have to stop consuming information and start putting them down into words. After all, it's all useless until you start thinking about how to present the information.
It's the end of week 2 of an intense 8-week project. Next week is when we need to submit what we know about the client and what's wrong with it. We (and I) know what to say but it feels like I'm behind on all ends with the typing and the presenting.
It came to a point when we are only hearing each other's thoughts and opinions whilst in calls with partners and with clients. And then, at the same time, changing your initial point of view to make sure it doesn't contradict each other.
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I guess this is where you have to just settle with a B- in homework even though you know you could've gotten an A if people just gave you more time.
I'm glad I got some time off today - just to relax and be myself again. With the picnic and long walks, enjoying the scenery as I go. :)
