4月24日~~

Today I sent off KY to the bus station, he is going to Leiden first and I'll be joining him in Amsterdam on Saturday.

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As we walked to the bus station, my heart sank and I came to a realisation that

It really is tougher when you're the one left behind rather than the one leaving. 

This isn't the first we spend a couple of days apart, but it's usually when it used to be because I needed to go to London for work. 

For once, I don't hate living close to the ground floor, at least the silence isn't deafening

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I dropped off a couple of postcards at the post office. There was a line so I opted for the self-service counter, but the postman helped me anyway as he saw me weighing the postcards rather than clicking for stamps. He must have been thinking "lol no"

I also visited Waterstones and spent about 30 minutes there. They've changed the layout of the bookstore, so I spent some time just in awe of their newly expanded jigsaw section. 

I spotted a card that resembles St Edward's church's door at stow-on-the-wold. See picture below 

The title of the card was "Temple in the forest" with no reference to the location. It looks exactly the same, but with more leaves and a forest photoshopped into the background. So I bought it for a friend, along with a book (Factfulness) that sparked joy which I thought she'd like if she hasn't already read it :) 

I took a couple of book cover pictures, so I can test my luck with the library before I purchase them

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It was a beautiful day out, as I walked out of Cabot Circus and towards the river, I was greeted with 2 rows of beautiful sakura-esque trees. The flower petals were falling (at approx. 5cm per second :3 )  I stopped to take a video and picture before I move on. I wish my family and KY were here to share this moment with me 

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I stopped by the library and found 2 books that match the book covers I found in Waterstones. 

I called my parents for an hour. After that, I started reading one of the books this afternoon titled "The employees - a workplace novel of the 22nd century" 

I don't know what I was expecting, but this 130-page book was not as I expected! Rated it 3/5 stars simply because it was a bit too abstract for me. I do get the appeal though. 

When I finished - it was already 5pm and I'm hungry. So I made Laksa for dinner and pre-roasted 10 chicken thighs for the week (which I'm pretty sure I'll regret!) 

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I actually started the day with a plan, to complete a draft of my reference letter and update my CV. But it turns out, procrastination hits, and I only had time for the reference letter. 

I've been avoiding these 2 documents for a while since I knew I needed them. (I even wrote a review on trip advisor for one of the shops when I was in Cotswolds before I got to it!) 
 

I guess deep down I am hesitant to move on too. Or rather, I'm afraid of what's coming next. 

There were a lot of deep breaths, and mental "now go" 's. 

Being alone for the afternoon, I allow myself to research for 30 minutes before I took another deep breath and told myself "OK YT, if you don't do it now, it'll be too late, now go!" 

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Turns out, the first step was the hardest one. And as I started writing, I realised it was just about stringing together a bunch of feedback into 2 paragraphs. Once I've structured what I needed in each paragraph, things started moving with lots of writing and re-writing. 

At about 10.30pm, I've finished my reference letter. 

It really wasn't too bad :) 

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My dragons in the merge dragons continue to harvest in the background as I tried to concentrate on my piece. And a YouTube video of people tidying and cleaning plays in the background.

I'm not too far off from my past self, where I can never concentrate in absolute silence. 

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It's now 11.12pm as I reflected upon my day. 

The possibility was sort of endless when I left KY at the bus station. At one point yesterday, I was contemplating running to Bath from Bristol since I was not far from the cycling path, and it was early in the afternoon, I'm quite sure I can finish that 23km run. 

That is... until KY promised that he'll do it with me. 

I could have also continued my 111 places to visit in Bristol adventure, but I quickly turned that thought off. Perhaps the fear of travelling alone was still deep-rooted within me, perhaps I was just lazy. I'll never know. 

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KY mentioned casually this morning, that my youtube algorithm flooded with marathon videos have influenced him to continue this running adventure. Twincity marathon in Malaysia seems like a possible next option! I'm excited for what the future holds :) 

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On my 26th birthday, one of my friends gifted me a weekly planner. I started using it as a diary but instead of doing it like before (full-fledge word vomit/happiness journal). I decided to time each entry, and only wrote how I felt emotionally at that moment, what I am seeing or doing, and I can only write in 5 or fewer lines. 

So far, I've found it easier and less stressful (because some days are simply lousier / objectively less productive than others). I live a fear of disappointing my past / future self.  I've been in that habit for 7 weeks now. Let's hope I keep this up for at least the end of the year! 

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Funny, how life can suddenly become that much more detailed and meticulous when you are alone. 
Also funny when one moment you can't imagine a moment without a partner, yet in a blink of an eye, half a day has gone by

4月12日~~

On the 10th of April 2022, we ran our first marathon. 
And it feels great! 

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First, I'll copy and paste what I wrote in my Instagram, which pretty much summarises my thoughts

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✅️ Full Marathon

It all started with watching "How I met your mother" last September. In one of the episodes, Barney Stinson said"Here's how you run a marathon. Step one, you start running. There is no step two". Not too long after, we registered for the Brighton marathon.

Unfortunately, ky.liow has been visiting the physiotherapist in the past month for his shin splints and knee injuries. Earlier this week, he was advised against participating for the marathon which we've been training for months.

We had heartbreaking contingency plans for his likely drop-out and for participating as "pedestrians"

Yesterday, we surprised ourselves with completing the 42km in 5:41:15. The crowd was so supportive, the scenery was amazing, and the compression band that KY bought helped!

What a great way to end a 7-year journey in the UK :) I'm ready to go home 🏡

#brightonhero #brightonmarathon

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Now to elaborate on how I felt, 

1. Running a marathon is very different from training for a marathon. 

The crowd was so supportive, the energy gel/water/jelly babies/ orange slices, the adrenaline and joy from running together, and the incredible scenery! 

All these reasons combine were why we've managed to sustain a happy, adrenaline-filled run 

The marathon photos were released and I'm just all smiles in every single picture 

2. The mind wanders, a lot. 

I downloaded a couple of podcasts but ended up half-listening to my "content" and "upbeat" playlist. In the last few miles, I turned it off. 

All the while thinking how lucky I am to take part in a marathon, and wondering when my next chance might be (and if I would have another chance to do so when I go back) 

I look at the sea and went "damn, what a great time to be alive" 

I look at the people that participated, running for a diseased or sick close family/friends, running with a disability or running for a cause. I can't help but wonder, why is my reason to push myself through this pain 

Those who have ever reached a life decision on whether to move countries would have done what I did. 
We sometimes just need a little sign from ourselves, that we are stronger than we think, and we have the courage to weather what is coming our way (including a very different sort of lifestyle I've grown accustomed to)

I had a really nice conversation with a partner from Sweden today. The kind of conversations that leaves your mind wondering. It feels nice to hear from someone who knows what you're going through :) From running experiences to cultural differences. Ah, the happiness of working with people who wonders a lot too. I'll miss that when I eventually leave consulting. 

3. The mind is stronger than the body (the lower part in this context)

 With the gels and training, our upper body felt surprisingly okay. 

Since this wasn't a competitive thing, we could talk the whole way through (all 42km) 

The desire to complete is so strong, it defied my natural instincts to quit and sit down at first aid. 

A sign "you did not come this far to come this far, keep moving" struck a chord that got me moving. 

I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't focused on the reason of why I did it in the first place. 

4. When the leg hurts, it hurts a lot. 

Multiple times in the race, I felt a cramp in my calf muscles and had to stretch it out 
It may be because I wasn't used to the distance, that I'm running with a different stride/pace, or even that I'm taking breaks at less natural times (i.e. when I'm in a flow)  

At one point, I cried and told KY that I can't do this, it hurts so much I needed to walk 

And he cried too when he saw me cry, and that got me crying. (such a terrible cycle) 

I guess I hit that "imaginary wall" that everyone has been talking about in the internet. 

Mentally I wasn't in the right place, and physically my ankles hurt, a lot. 

5. It's easier to run it with a partner

Running with a partner ensures that one of you is always sane, whilst the other collapses
The constant encouragement and little goals (3-pillar strategy) from KY kept me going  

And I'm sure it was the same for it too. 

Will not recommend doing this alone unless for a very good reason and cause. Because your body goes through hell, especially hard between the 20-30 km when everything seems neither here nor there.

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It's been 2 days since the marathon and the gorgeous spacious brighton apartment

 I'm still riding on the high and the 感动 that comes from completion 
I've been watching videos on trail running and ultramarathon. Wondering if I'll ever do that / get the chance to do that 

PS. I haven't bought the pictures yet, hence the watermarked photos. I'll be buying some as they are KIUTTTT