It was a technical piece for me at that time.
My teacher told me to practice it often.
If you know me, you'd know, that means "practice before the lesson"
But this time I decided to take her advice, I practiced everyday. Diligently. I've never worked harder for a piano piece in my 6 years of life.
When the time comes and I played the performance of a lifetime. I looked at her beaming with pride.
And she started off with what could have been better.
I couldn't control but burst into uncontrollable tears, saying that I was doing my best. And my teacher held me tight, saying that, you've been great, but we can always do better.
That's the first moment I realise my best, can always be not good enough.
That's also when I realise, I feel uncontrollably sad and frustrated at myself when that happens.
Things that could've, would've, should've been better
20 years has passed since. Though the context is different, I still fall for this trick.
Imposter syndrome is real, and it's brutal effects are felt.
More stoic and kindness please
