今天，假期的第一天，却依然到学校图书馆做assignment
这两天的睡眠挺充足的，
从前天对的6am睡眠时间到昨天的12am入睡
长得越大，就越想学会照顾自己
可是说了那么久，这方面却依然有待加强 :3 (obviously)
---
anyway
上个星期有两个internship面试
才发现
经历了越多，话变得越少
"tell me a time where you have to overcome a challenge"
"tell me a time where you have to persuade someone"
etc
披荆斩棘了那么久，却不会回答
最基本的问题
讲的话变得越来越politically correct
就连最基本的
“你喜欢什么类型的男生”
我都要想很久才回答“成熟的男生”
答案却是如此的subjective
明明想法很多，却拥有简洁的回答
就连部落格、日记里的话
也变得似乎没重点了
越来越少concrete的故事
越来越多abstract的想法
----
我的故事，我是编导，我是观众。毕竟自己的故事，留给自己就好。把故事说给别人听，别人就是评论员。----
长得越大，听的人越来越少，想表达的人越来越多。
话变得越来越直接，人情越来越冷漠，越来越自我。
----
Have you ever faced a situation where
1. You had so much so say, yet have no idea how to convey?
2. You had a life-changing experience, yet you have no idea how to express it in words?
etc
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上课的路程中
想起了很多成年往事
也知道自己成长了不少
从中学，到college，到university
依旧不变的
久只有“不停改变”
从一个charity-based 学校
到profit-oriented based 的学府
到现在community-based的组织
待人处世方面一直都在变
现在终于有些 "me time"
重新找寻自己
giving myself a clear compass is hard
when the future become less defined
and the harsh reality of "what ifs" are always there
就连感情方面
也在重新出发
But how can I describe how I currently feel about anyone
when I don't even know what I want? :)
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那天和我的coursemate有这么一个conversation:
Victor: bro, did you realize we have passed 1/3 of our lives?
Me: I didn't see it that way, but wow.. yes now I see it
Victor: If you die tomorrow, are you okay with it?
Me: ..... *深思* I actually think it's fine
其实我和看似happy-go-lucky, 随心所欲的victor时常都会有这种conversation
但我很认真
It's not that I gave
...
in Summer 2016
I've already found something better than happiness, accomplishments, compliments, laughter
I've found
Contentment
我其实和很多人说过
this is what I've found .. the goal in life, the answer to the purpose of life, the solution to my fear of oblivion from death, the answer to all my "what ifs"
Everyone has this one moment
when everything in life seems to fall into place
or better yet, nothing else even matter
I've had the moment
and those whom I trust and those who knew that I've reached that point of life, never questioned me anything about that moment
I was at peace with myself :) for once .. in a very long time ...
....
属于我们的回忆is beautifully haunting
毕竟你曾是我的世界，literally。
当一个人把一百分的信任全交托给一个人近三年
分享自己的每个举动，每份感情
和一个人成长，变得那么刻骨。
You were and will always be the past & the history that made me who I am
If time turns back, I wouldn't have changed anything between you and I :)
all the decisions, all the things we've done .. nothing :)
...
到最后那个"if you can tell the 16-year-old you 4 words, what would it be"
在想了很久，竟然就只是 "study hard play hard"
遗憾不再有。
Apparently I sound tired to a lot of people, but perhaps this is just me trying to buffer and restart
...
一个月又三天到finals
加油 :)
