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From a health perspective
Whilst the "morning" sickness is gone,
(quotation marks because at the last 2 weeks of first trimester, it happens anytime)
I'm still gassy at night which causes discomfort and I need to sleep at an angle
After talking to some ladies, I learnt to start reaching for help from my doctor instead of just keeping quiet after each visit.
I've been taking pills for 1+weeks now, while it doesn't completely return me to normal. I'm better now.
I was extremely cautious in my first trimester, and completely stopped exercising and doing core / back exercises after doctor's advise. For those who know me, this means my back gets worse.
After talking to a friend, I decided to go do some physiotherapy. And it relieved my back but also made me realised how weak my back muscles are.
Doctor now advised to do nothing abs-related, which I thought was sensible.
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From a work perspective
I've been struggling to keep up with my old pace, I pick my battles and disregard my KPIs.
At this rate I think I'm just trying to do what feels like my minimum, but it hard to agree with that when I'm always working.
But what I gave up is after-hours working. I simply am exhausted, I only reply to easy messages and "do it tomorrow".
I make silly mistakes at work like mishearing things, not grasping the context when the hours are long, reading the wrong number of zeroes or getting basic arithmetic wrong. Last night I even forgot my laptop and walked into a meeting.
Sure it happens, but it never happen so frequently.
And for someone who strives to do her best at all times, it really is hard to get over it.
I get easily annoyed when I find things to be wasting my time and energy. Because I realised I have finite time in a day.
Idk how people hide their pregnancy, people started guessing as I start showing. And my mistakes are easily forgiven because of my pregnancy. But honestly, does it really not impact my performance at work?
What I know for sure, is I'm not getting as much bonus next year anymore. And I'm probably not even up for promotion since I can't commit to projects that stretches into my maternity leave.
I've come to terms with this of course, I've always known this day would come. But it's just a upsetting to see me staggering behind a little bit everyday in this corporate rat race that I've fought so hard to stay ahead. But really... does it matter?
---
From a personal perspective
It's been magical :)
A little part of me still don't believe I'm growing a human inside me, but it's hard not to when it's growing everyday. And it surprises me each time I visit the doctors.
I've been skeptical of healthy pregnancies after seeing some friends go through traumatic incidents. I'm so grateful each time I see that little baby in me. It went from just a blob on a screen to a moving, kicking, active baby :)
I've also realised that there is probably an undiscovered courage in me. Knowing I would do anything for it. I've been telling myself that I can do this. I knew I will always try to be a great mom, and the process of becoming a mother (re birthing process) is something that I can and I must soldier through.
I've been watching what I ingest and what I do since I found out I was pregnant. I've heard from a friend a while back "a woman becomes a parent the moment they are pregnant". It's true. I've had a shift in mindset and a different. sense of self. I think about it all the time. There's no "breaks" per say. There's not just "me" but "us".
This past 4 months is unlike anything I've experienced before. Nothing else matters and I am at peace.
