7月25日~~

- Train thoughts - 

Sometimes i just get to a place

That says "I refuse to think; just tell me what you want"

And then I remind myself that this was what I needed for character building. I take a little walk to the water cooler to add water. 

And go back to thinking and planning. 

It's 7pm now and I'm on the MRT back to my home. 

And I can't help but reflect, I'm grateful for these times. Like in "a little life", I can't help but wonder if these are my "happy days"

The days where I laugh a little, cry a little and grow a little. 

Working like its my last day of corporate life, before I go into whatever there is to come. 

A colleague of mine found out she was pregnant, I had the honour of finding out with her. I can only imagine what her thoughts were. Little matters doesn't it? When you have a child. 

I'm glad that I could do what I can whilst I lack that commitment, I don't regret the choices I've made. Mentally, I feel like I'm ready to take on this challenge soon. I've done what I needed to do, haven't I? 

- Ran a marathon, 

- ran from Bristol to Bath, 

- worked in different cities and abroad

- work from pubs, cafes and trains

- travelled to different countries

- etc

Looking out from the MRT as the sun goes down into the landscape of kepong. I don't think I could have imagined this is where I get to 2 years ago. 

I guess that's what keeps it interesting. 

7月13日~~

On one of those work-highs right now, partially because it feels good to be appreciated

Secondly, because work is getting busy, I'm getting more work that I can own rather than assist, and that keeps me going. 

It's been a while since I have my little piece of work that I own, I haven't had that since EY. 

I liked that :)

I didn't realise how much I missed that. :)

The cross functional engagement, meeting people and building first impressions, hosting meetings, the stakeholder requirements gathering. 

I no longer design processes, but I'm happy to figure out the missing pieces, solve it like a jigsaw puzzle.

On top of that, I get the added bonus of thank-yous. 

7月6日~~

- a work reflection on the mrt -

It's been almost 8 months at this new gig

I want to believe I have grown.

There are days when I do believe, where I get thrown a "job well done" here and there. 

But there are also days when I feel stupid. 

Lost in the maths, in the technical jargon, in the contractual terms. 

Those days tend to plague me beyond the moment. 

I feel handicapped by the boundary conditions I set for myself. 

I got to learn how to grow, and push that boundary condition. And sometimes, I just need to make those mistakes. First-time-rights are rare unicorns. 

It just sucks that my age and inexperience shows. I've been trying to hide that like an imposter usually does. 

What I've been lucky so far, is my colleagues have not consciously tried to set me up for failure. For that, I am grateful. That's the one good thing that comes out of being the baby of the department. They make sure that you are nurtured. 

I'm lucky to have kept the daily journal that puts things into perspective. Reminding me that I sometimes blow events out of proportion. 

Okay good talk. Time to snap back to reality.