You reach a point where you stop asking people why they quit their jobs,
but genuinely congratulate them, because you know exactly why...
and that you're next.
You don't know how and you don't know where... you just know you got to leave...
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Tis' the season of people leaving
In the past - I've been a huge advocate of my job,
The fact that it opens doors, it's new all the time, and it's always exciting
It's been more than 18 months since I got the job
And things are no longer new and shiny.
Rough patches in the job come and go with the pandemic and with ever-changing projects
I've learnt to be grateful over the little things - the little learning breaks... the little side-of-desk jobs that fulfil me, the friends I've made, the experiences I've had ...
However things are going in circles, and I'm still where I am
Frantic, anxious, behind schedule on the first day on the job.
Even when I'm not travelling as frequent as how I used to
Seeing people staying up late and apologising for sending their kids to bed in their early 40s
Seeing eager, motivated people becoming more and more defeated & frustrated every day
... while I detach myself from life and from the people who love me ... just to get to "real life" - which is work itself...
The back-to-back calls, the after-hours, the rushed lunches, the constant apologies and all the symptoms of being burnt out. I just want to be left alone and quiet all the time. But that just feels lonely.
It consumes my every waking moment and haunts me in my sleep.
It just doesn't feel right, I can feel it in my heart
Whatever "it" is, the grass felt greener on the other side all over again.
I swear I would have gone insane if I'm not keeping a countdown of when I'm going
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I bet, that one faithful day when I follow suit of the brave colleagues who left the industry,
There will be someone else like me that goes "I'm very happy for you, honestly"
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Again, I do not have a plan, but I do know that I need to leave. One day, some day.
PS. Reading "bullshit jobs" made me felt understood, and made me understand that this is not what I wanted, nor what I've intended
