放慢脚步

繁忙课业与学会交替之中
学会喘一口气

明白自己一个人也能好好的

爸曾说过 ： just because you can do it all, doesn't mean you should do it all. Because you just can't have everything. You'll die of exhaustion.

明白 :)

学会享受弹吉他的乐趣
学会放慢脚步

明白世界还有1001个快乐的理由。

----

其实那段恋情依然是个诅咒，
准确来说 是个 cursed blessing

自己曾因为爱情疯癫，失去理智，感情用事
发现自己竟为一个人变得好幼稚好幼稚

一年下来我的世界我的生活都   围绕着手机里的一个wechat conversation   掌控我的喜怒哀乐。

我晓得  我疯了
这一切都是自寻的

只因为爱 :)

尽管如此
却让我深深明白，人竟然有那么多不同的心情

高二那年，你曾写过
“天下无不散只筵席，只是这一次散得有点太快了”
我们决定交往之后，延长了这段筵席


我不后悔，但多少都有些遗憾。
一切有始有终.
谢谢你，曾经出现在我的人生。


待我成熟了，一切安稳了，我会再次找找你这个老朋友
好好聊天，不再感情用事，只谈陈年往事。


至今也许还是会懊恼当初为什么有勇气谈天长地久，却没勇气继续前进。
爱情留下的只剩习惯 ， 互相陪伴的习惯


总有一天我会再次爱上一个人
让我再次爱上他的每一个strengths and flaws
让我再次享受每一个小动作而带来的心动快乐


日记里慢慢减少了有你的消息。
那些late night thoughts ..也随着繁忙的时间表离去了。

Thantophobia

I thought time will heal it all

but the healing process is slow and painful
so slow ...... so so slow

How does one justify irrational feelings for inanimate objects?
Why do people hold on to things unseen?

People around me are asking: How are you YT? Are you alright?
I've always find corners to answer these questions..
some see through it immediately

and answer with.. I seee.. how about you? How are you coping so far?

I've always answered: Honestly? I don't think I'm okay yet

some people will find ways to end this conversations, some will engage with me


It doesn't help that I have to pull out my old phone and realize that I still have photos and videos of us in that old phone while Chris shows them to me...
It doesn't help that facebook wants to "celebrate" my friendship with him
It doesn't help that I realize I still have bits and pieces of him around me ... in forms of memories
It doesn't help that he was first in my news feed, and I don't have the guts to tease him anymore


We were so stubborn, and we still are

Loosing him was tough... Loosing him to the uncertainty of the future
 we both knew this day would come
I won't regret my choices..

yet to some degree
it's still painful, and moving on takes so much time and energy .... that
Certain thoughts, phrases, music things seen, heard, experiences, stories.... reminds me of us.... and decreased our productivity

Like, just today...
I was just bringing my dishes to the kitchen ...
And the thought of him came to me......... One of the most cherished little memories about us came to me ......

And I just stood by the window and stared blankly, until I was alright again

I will be alright again
just not now, not today ..

I've been keeping busy (unintentionally)
and these days I've been asking hugs from Hui Xian just because of all the little things that built up for the past few days ...
And I don't think I can make it without dropping a tear anymore..



Damn .. these stupid female hormonal imbalance .leading to disruption to emotional stability ...

I think I'll properly let myself go when I have time.. talk to someone about this.. cry my eyeballs out.. and be alright the 2nd day :)

It's funny how people closest to you can become strangers so fast 

 The worst part is losing you as a whole, a friend .... Until I pick myself up again ..I will be able to look you in the eye and tease you again .. talk about memories like a old folks tale that happened a long time ago .... . just not now, not today

New Perspectives

Year 2 in London.

In a place where culture is not tolerated but embraced, yet not as amalgamated as Malaysia :)
I was exposed to a lot of perspectives, thoughts and views that were more like concepts to me back in Malaysia.

I used to live in a world where mental illness, sexual orientation are either well-defined or seen as a myth.

1 out of 4 people in universities are diagnosed with mental illness. 

Shocking isn't it?
I saw this in the flyer and I was less surprised than I was last year.

LGBT awareness

Something that I wasn't educated on in my past education. I didn't even know what it means when it was mentioned in my university orientation until I googled it.

That was when I realize how skeptical a lot of people are unintentionally.

Remember when we were young and we call people 神经病 and gay for fun?

Somehow, as I grow I don't find that funny anymore.


Up to this point, I think having mental illness is a norm, and people can do whatever they want, as long as it's not harmful to others.


When people close tell me they had issues as such.. I'm less and less surprised each day I hear ...


WHOEVER YOU ARE out there just know that you're NEVER ALONE.
YOU deserve a better life. You need to let us help you get through this. But first, you need to start by telling some people that you need help. You can do this, I know you can, but that doesn't mean you have to do this alone :)


With love,
YT

Assumptions :)

It's funny to see how people assume everything and anything with generalization

It could be someone close or someone you've just met.
It's even funnier to see someone close assuming that you don't do something, just because he/she does not bother to have a deeper understanding of you.

I was assumed that
1. I can't swim
2. I don't run
3. I say things but don't take actions
4. I am a racist

by someone who has been hanging out with me for close to a year.

And I have a feeling that this is just the beginning of the list.

and by my friends who has lost contact with me for some time
1. I can't cook

:)



----


While some people underestimated me, some people overestimated me. Things that aren't true and came as a shock to me. When I go, what? I can never do THAT hahahaha .


-----

How I dealt with the 2 situations is completely different. Sometimes I feel offended, sometimes I feel paiseh, sometimes I just feel confused and laugh it out.


Assumptions became labeling eventually.

What's worse, everyone's assumptions is based off personal experience, which says a lot about you when you assume who I am, my story and my abilities. 

----

someone that I just knew assumed that my previous relationship was a fail because I don't cherish him enough. :) And that I should learn from what I did wrong.

I was offended, hurt, and a lot of other things.

If any, I tried my best and remained my chill rather than shedding tears.

I merely said: ya, hahaha :)


----


interesting stuff in the morning :)




I guess for myself I'd have to stop taking personal things personally? ;)