9月27日~~

第一天上课
就给timetable 骗掉
说好的11点到1点的课
就变成了11点到5点的课

怎么可以骗小妹妹我啊？

legit prayed DAMN hard and legit ganjiong
when we were assigned to our teams for our design project

one of the main reasons why I didn't look forward to my 3rd year was the dread of group projects
I don't mind working in groups
but I mind working with people who just don't care O:)

when they announced that the groups were based on our provisional scores in our 2nd year
Gary turned around
and held my hand for a short second

we knew that our results differ by less than 0.5 marks
the likelihood of us being placed together is super high

but still damn ganjiong

have worked with Gary for too long :'D
in ICMS for 1 ++ years , allocated to the same group project for 2 - 3 times already in chem eng

because the design project stretches throughout the term
it is IMPORTANT and CRUCIAL that you get people that doesn't make you pull your hair out

...

when they refreshed the page
we were all praying we don't get the list of people we mentally blacklisted .. collectively .. hahahaha

...

I haven't even finish loading the document when Gary straight turned around and shouted
I died O.O of happiness and fulfillment!

YES SOMEONE THAT CARES !!
says YT in her mind

and then when I scan through the list
I spot 5 malaysians out of the list of 7 people
OMGOMGOMGOMG

and it didn't hit any of the people we blacklisted
and even if we did  I WON'T MIND
because IT'S A MALAYSIAN TEAM
WOOOOOOOOOO

this means a lot !
YASSS BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT CARES ABOUT THEIR GRADES !!

time to face my 3rd year :)
I'm finally ready .. ish .. i guess
...

8pm 终于肯离开图书馆回家吃饭

才发现外面下雨

好久没一个人晚上一个人撑伞回家了 :)

听<<搁浅>>，<<草戒指>> 格外有味道

快到家的路途中马路总是有一段路是没有人的

戴上耳机，不再畏惧了:)

平常都是哼着唱着回家

今天特别一点

歌切到<<光着我的脚丫子>>时

突然想跳舞

又怕给别人看到

所以边走边跳

看起来有点lowkey又有点滑稽

手里撑着雨伞转圆圈.. waltz一下

都没有人看到 

快乐，就这么简单 :)

...



on a side note : 
falling in love and getting into a relationship 
is becoming more and more mutually exclusive 

and the line between friendship and relationships is getting less defined

soon enough I'm sure I won't be able to judge whether one is being friendly or dropping hints 
but I don't want to stay single 

9月25日~~

Bite size update: 

7/9 - Reach London
       ** Wicked :D (mom was wowed)
11/9 - Barcelona and Valencia with Parents
15/9 - Back to London
       ** Phantom :')  (the 2nd musical I cried)
17/9 - Edinburgh
        first time in Scotland after so long!
19/9 - Back to London
        ** Mamma Mia :D (dad was so happy)
22/9 - Parents leave :(
23/9 - V&A museum + London day with Yuxian
24/9 - Brighton with Huixian ♥
25/9 - I GOT A POD IN THE SCIENCE LIBRARY!

====

好久不见，我小小的世界

好久没听见自己的声音了
好久没有一个人好好呆着了

还记得暑假时有告诉爸爸
其实很珍惜一个人搭mrt的日子
毕竟，习惯了一个人静一静
其实有点后悔跟他酱讲，因为之后，他就emo了一点点 .. oops

搬进新家了
也还没好好搬完
连个垃圾桶都还没买
sigh
说好要grocery shopping到现在都还没有properly去
有时候很想问自己在忙什么
因为我开始渐渐不明白为什么我要自己这样对自己了

家里过着没有wifi的日子
已经快2个星期了
家里的客人来来去去

偶尔遇见新朋友
偶尔和老朋友catch up

如果这是我的3rd year 那该有多好

but 不是wor
我还是那么的犯贱
答应了朋友去帮忙T.I.M.

他把我的Job scope 摊开来说
我直接傻掉
原来我不只是designer，我还要做回我的publicity,
还加上meet sponsor pitch 和 recruitment
我是扛上了icms里3个职位的工来做
..........

I mean 是可以拼一点，是doable 的
但那么多年了。。
我有那么多次的顾此失彼
我这样做是对的吗？

老实说
tired 多过 excited的感觉
好像是一年比一年严重
尤其是知道自己是要重复做同样的东西 :(
可以说是学以致用，也能说the sky is never the limit
还是有很多东西 explore ... but ...

应该说很担心吧
我怕我自己赶不上课业
我不想重新体会高中那种力不从心的感觉
那种很~无助的感觉
到头来都是自己拿来的

“自己选择的路，爬着走也要走完”

明天开会
后天开学前又开会

icms 的那100多面的design还在等着我做
还没开学就开始在学校留下来

4年前的我
拿到spm的成绩时
告诉自己
绝对
绝对
不要再顾此失彼了

看着自己的results 一年比一年差
真的。。。感觉很烂
别人进步，我却在原地踏步

毕竟到最后
我需要学会自私一点


但
我还是没停过
已经3rd year 料eh
我很害怕很害怕很害怕重蹈覆彻

却还是那么犯贱地好奇着
如果加入了他们的team会有什么感觉

同时我又要悠哉的生活
又要享受人生
又要去旅行

什么都要 : )
到最后却失去了最重要的人
忽略了最亲近的人

Like a sailor without its compass on a rainy day
I was lost, and I still am

=======

不管了
rant 完了
就是要继续过着一样的生活

今年的我
会和去年的我有什么不同呢？

=======

原谅我这没有重点的blog post hahahah
body reject着咖啡因
小头痛了7个小时多 @@

是时候不再逞强了

======


好想再说一次 “幸福就这么简单”

PS; I bought a book - Prisoners of Geography .. hahahha time to 增广见闻 a bit

9月1日~~

Today marks the day where I embarassed myself
..
Big time
..
I was always scolded for being oblivious to signs
To people in general
Mostly because I am still learning how to be single
But this time around, I got the hint
..
And I reciprocated the hints
..
Never have I gotten more embarassed by my acts until today
..

I thought with the way I act
I'm actually protecting myself
That people wouldn't consider hurting me
But I've never been so wrong in my life

It was good while it lasted for 2 months
But to make me feel sad, betrayed, embarassed, angry and disgusted...
Means a lot ...

I still have no idea what went wrong
I read signs
I get people's feedback and opinion
And this time I actually listen to them
And not just brush it off by saying " no, he's just a friend"

I was wrong

Bad judgement from my end
狼狈比失去难受
I am damn embarassed
And I'm glad I didnt make that much of a fool
Of myself

Why dont people learn how to not lead people on?
To learn how to reject ?

To tell me everything but omit one key information..
有点过分 :)

Not gonna lie it's a shitty feeling..

---

It proves a point that you cant have a simply platonic relationship between 2 people, unless you're not that close to begin with.

One way or another, someone will fall for the other. With or without telling, for a short or long time.. it could just be for a spur of a moment.. but one will fall.. simply because :)

---

Dear friends whom I trust my secrets with,
Thanks for being there for me, especially the first few I told .. (you know who you are)

Thanks for being there for me to rant about when I really didnt know how to react

Thanks for hearing me out

Thank you so so much

And this is the first time that someone called me to go out when I needed someone.

For fetching me out to get 1 huge tub of icecream and stare at the lake for 2 hours..
Just talking to me

Friends like these are hard to find and I'm glad that I met friends like them :)

---

Seems to be a recurring thing that summers are made of heartbreaks, but at the same time, a great way to build new friendships, ones you dont want to let go :)

Glad that based on what I've experienced I've learnt not to be狼狈 for anyone anymore :)

This was a misjudgement from my end, it wont happen again.